Centering Thought: Because all feelings come and go, I know that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem that only feels like it will never pass. I know that, if I am ruminating on suicide, I can honestly assess my feelings or ask another person I trust to walk me through these important questions*, so that I can stay on the planet for another day.
*This post comes from Coach Kiki’s forthcoming book from Balboa Press, 365 Days of Mood Tools. It is normally paid-subscriber content. However, theis post is too important to hide behind a paywall. Continue reading to learn the important questions to ask yourself or someone you love who may be thinking about suicide plans.
Suicidal thoughts are a real experience for many people, sometimes during struggles and sometimes as a regular part of life. If we experience suicidal thoughts, it’s important to check in with ourselves and often someone else we trust to ask honestly if these thoughts have any concrete form.
Important questions include: Am I thinking of ways I can end my life? Is there a way that I think of most often or that seems to ‘appeal’ to me in my moments of darkest thinking? Or simply: Do I have a plan?
An important follow-up question if we answer yes to any of the above is: How likely am I to act on that plan? Our answer to this particular question can be in the form of a number: Using a sliding scale of 0–10 with 10 being the greatest (and 0 representing “no chance of acting on these thoughts today”), we can identify—to ourselves or a trusted confidante or caregiver, such as a therapist—how likely we are to act on these thoughts within a specific timeframe. Keeping our answers connected to the present as best we can, helps us to cut through the confusion that accompanies the big feelings that lead to suicidal ideation, so that we can answer as clearly as possible … even in a time when clarity is our greatest challenge.
Similarly, we may have friends or loved ones who experience their own suicidal thinking. Though it may appear differently than ours, we can ask the same questions to others that we ask ourselves, or that we answer to those who ask us.
The main point of these conversations is to not suffer in silence. Feeling overwhelmed is a normal part of the human condition, as is the desire to quit anything that feels impossible to do well or that makes us continually unhappy. But when we begin to fantasize about “quitting life,” this is a red flag that requires further exploration.
We can make better decisions surrounding our emotional responses to the sometimes-overwhelming situations of our lives when we remember that all feelings come and go; and therefore, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Even if it feels like this problem has always been with us, we know in truth that we do receive respite from the forces of our problems here and there throughout our days. We can ask for help even as we wait for the moment to pass.
Thank you for this! It's an important message and a needed resource.