Centering Thought: I can practice small gestures to demonstrate my love for others, using the concept of “love languages” as easy-to-remember patterns. I can pay attention to what makes me loved in the same way——and I can even practice showing myself love anytime I choose.
Regardless of our religious affiliation (or lack thereof), we can still benefit from the wisdom of “love languages.” Counselor and author Gary Chapman has used the patterns he noticed in the married couples from his private counseling practice to create what’s commonly become known across the United States as The 5 Love Languages®. With multiple books, an online newsletter, support products and even an app now available to make the work of relationships a fun game, these resources can serve a helpful purpose in our own lives. The concepts can be applied to our romantic partners, nuclear and extended family members and even our friends.
The ways we express love——to ourselves and to others——is an important part of living in a reciprocal community. While there are many ways human beings can demonstrate love, the concept of “love languages” helps us break the broad ideas behind love demonstrations into simpler, easier-to-remember patterns.
We can make a practice of testing out these ideas to see how the results feel to us or in our relationships:
Acts of Service – We can wash the dishes, do other household chores, help someone with a task they are struggling to complete or even volunteer on a project that we know the one we love values. We can show ourselves service by taking care of ourselves with daily hygiene, like brushing our teeth or remembering to floss.
Gifting – Giving and receiving gifts is a talent, as well as an expression of love. When we pay attention to what makes someone smile, we can access their heart with even small tokens of appreciation, like their favorite brand of lip balm or a gift card to their favorite store. Treating ourselves in the same way can make us feel special, too.
Physical Touch – Safe, loving touch by someone we trust and care for is an important part of many relationships. We can hug them, pat them on the arm or practice deeper expressions of safe and loving touch like massage or reflexology. It’s important to have consent for all forms of touch, of course. To show ourselves loving touch, we can learn techniques like havening.
Quality Time – Spending time being fully present with each other can be a challenge. Just listening to someone’s day or to a problem they are trying to solve——with full eye contact, phones down and without trying to solve the issue——is a wonderful gift of quality time. We show ourselves quality time when we sit in meditation, for instance, or dedicate time to our favorite hobbies.
Words of Affirmation – How we talk to each other is so important. And listening is just as valuable when we are communicating with the ones we love. Words of affirmation include encouraging phrases——like, “You’ve got this!”; “I knew you could do it”; “That was impressive the way you (fill-in-the-blank).” The way we talk to ourselves is just as important. We can learn to be encouraging of ourselves also.
This content comes from Coach Kiki’s forthcoming book by Balboa Press, 365 Days of Mood Tools. It is paid subscriber content only. Consider gifting it to someone you know as an act of honor, respect or love.
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