😵 Emo, feels & mood (oh my!)
Mindful Mondays. (Mid-Week.)
Ever been in a feelings funk??
🙋🏻♀️ I have.
In fact, I’m still coming out of a long one——the longest one I’ve had in a while. Add to it the fact that it showed up on the heels of the release of my first solo book, My Moody Daybook: A Season of Mood Tools, & you can sure-fire bet that a healthy heaping of Imposter Syndrome made that funk deep, wide & longer-lasting than I would have liked.
Fortunately, however, I use my tools. And that’s made this funk, sure, deep & wide … but only weeks-long, rather than the months-to-years of my days of yore.
The book was born from a lot of years of experiencing the funkiness of living, as well as from excavating the underside of that funk. 🍄🍄🍄 Anyone who does that learns a lot.
In the spirit of progress (not perfection), I share a snapshot of my day …
Three in the afternoon. Sunlight dapples the day in a pristine wooded setting that happens to be my kiddos’ forest school.
I am running. And sobbing.
I’ve shown up late, having let my older kiddo participate in an extracurricular science fair offsite that butted right up to & past pick-up time. I’m solo parenting while my hubby works out of town; chauffeuring & chaperoning all the things at the second busiest time of year for families; also still trying to hit all my usual work goals at my coaching practice.
You probably see where this is going.
In my stress & overwhelm, my resourcefulness ran out. We weren’t just late. We were past-the-pick-up-time-grace-period-late, meaning we’d incur a small fine (which I actually think is a great incentive & well deserved by the school guides who are parents with families & pick-up times of their own). A domino effect was beginning, & I was about to be late for a Coaching Advisory Board meeting, a monthly staple in my work calendar that not only pays consistently, but is a centering point I look forward to each month; a time to come together with a group of enlightened coaches, all rallying around one treasured client.
I found myself fighting against not just my Time Perfectionism, but also a direct challenge to my survival resources (money & more money), triggering a panicked level of fight-or-flight.
Older Child & I had run past the parking area, or usual pick-up site, past the woods & all the way to the far-flung geodome where the students get ‘indoor’ time. We’d hustled my younger one out the zippered door & were now all three sprinting back toward the car … as I choked on sobs, sweated through a hot flash & assured them in between it all with my usual words of affirmation used whenever Mommy has a Mood:
“I’m not mad at you.”
“This isn’t your fault.”
“Mom’s just stressed, but this will pass.”
And so on, similarly.
But this time, things were very different.
My kids didn’t just take it in stride as they’ve learned to over the years. They jumped in … & they gave me the tools I could use to shift my state & find resilience.
😮👏🥰✨
Kiddo One: “It’s okay, Mom, we’re going to be on time. Let it out, Mom, & tell yourself your Time Motto, ‘We arrive in our perfect time.’”
Kiddo Two: “Use your breath, Mom! I’ll take deep breaths with you. It always helps me when you do this with me, so I bet it will help you when I breathe deep with you. Or if you just want to feel better, you can picture me when I was a baby. Or just take the bad energy off of you & throw it away!”
I did all the things. I thanked them, too, profusely. I stayed a little heightened in anxiety & I reminded them that it wouldn’t last forever. As we climbed in the car & clipped down the road, I shared the word “co-regulation” with them; explained that was the strategy I'd used with them through their lives; told them how honored I was to have them give it back in this moment, how impressed I was & am with their emotional maturation.
And, yes, my panicked state absolutely passed. Because all feelings come & go.
Lately, I’ve been contemplating the differences between feelings & moods.
Why, you ask? Well.
Experts say that there IS a difference … though I confess I’ve been skeptical. A self-professed word nerd, I’ve resisted the research trend that categorizes the terms “emotions,” “feelings” & “moods.” To me, they have remained interchangeable if esoteric nouns.
But PhD-level researchers who study such things for a living have continually delineated the terms, claiming one is immediate; one is a little longer (& perhaps more internal); one is lasting & colors our perspective, settles in like a layer of dust that clouds our judgment & blankets our world. … Okay, maybe that last bit is mine. 😏
But I do think——having experienced some emotions I failed to process in the hustle-bustle of book promotion era, then having let my feelings lie (because the solution I wanted when I did finally ID some feels didn’t arrive as expected)——that I feel the difference in my body, moods & thoughts (see: BMT Index™). And so, a new page in the next “Season of Mood Tools” gestates, growing, eager to be born. And the world turns. And the daylight comes & goes ….
If you are practicing mindfulness in your life, but aren’t ready to pay subscription fees for this newsletter, consider helping us both out & visiting one of my affiliate sites to find tools to help you learn about & regulate your own emotions, or to share/gift resources to the ones you love or serve. Check out journals, lessons, parenting peers & more at Big Life Journal. Create your own Calm Down Corner with posters, stories & plushies (& more!) at Generation Mindful. Get your copy of My Moody Daybook to take emotional intelligence into your own hands.
❤️🩹📚🧰