I have a gift for you today! But first, I have a story …
Allie is a young mother, just past her 30th birthday, who loves yoga gear more than she loves doing yoga——and loves making her coffee taste as little like coffee as possible (with all the whipped cream and added flavoring). She is mommy to two kiddos, including 4-year-old Nicky. A sweet, shy boy, he seems to be “finally settling in” to his preschool classroom after nearly a year of shrieking in terror at drop-off, crying and clinging to her legs, then hiding in the corner or under a table for much of the class day.
Although Allie had hated hearing these reports——and had definitely worried about damaging her sweet little guy’s disposition——she clung to the confident assurances of the teachers at the preschool daycare that he would settle in with time as long as she was consistent; that dropping and going as quickly as possible was absolutely the best action she could take; and that she was indeed making it worse by giving off worry signals that she wasn’t confident in the situation. She trusted, too, her parents’ and mother-in-law’s reassurances that she and her brother and husband had all been reluctant to head to their own first days of preschool, even as she continued to fret inside about her little guy’s spirits (and do her best to hide it from her son and the teachers).
Now it seemed to be paying off, and Allie turned her attention to her 2-year-old daughter, Mikayla, who was the opposite of big brother Nicky. Sassy, wild and as active as any child can be, Mikayla had a reputation at the neighborhood playground for climbing as high as the older kids and dangling precariously from any height. She also cartwheeled so close to the swings that it had become an issue with the other parents who felt Allie didn’t “keep a close enough eye on her daughter” or “give her enough boundaries.” In reality, Allie felt she was a broken record when it came to Mikayla and that all her budding little daughter ever heard from her was “no”: “No, Mikayla, don’t climb on that;” “No, you cannot take off your seatbelt, no matter how much you cry;” “No, honey, you can’t have your brother’s toy or pull the dog’s tail or touch that pretty vase on Grammy’s high shelf.”
How can Allie turn her NO’s into YES’s … & still teach all of the things she wants to teach both of her children:
resilience
confidence
assertiveness
self-esteem
And also:
compassion for others
empathy
community citizenship
And to start with, how can Allie first recognize that her “either-or” thinking is a form of mental self-sabotage that’s actually keeping her stuck in fight-or-flight & preventing her from resourcefully solving these very normal parenting problems?
Family Power: Self-Awareness through Fight-or-Flight, Chapter 10 in Healthy Thinking, Happy Life, is available TODAY for only .99 at Amazon/Kindle.
Order your digital download immediately to learn how Allie’s story ends … & how you can apply the same techniques to help solve your own emotional processing challenges——at home or in the classroom.
P.S. - Email me here or at ask@coachkiki.com to let me know you’ve received your copy & I’ll gift 💝 you a one-month paid subscription to the full Tuesday Tools content.